The Vision

I almost didn’t write this.  I finally realized what this website is to me.  It’s a reawakening of my mind, of my spirit.  It’s a great big sieve for my thoughts to be put out there in my writing.  In the last 2 weeks, I have written 8 articles in a fairly complete format and have about double that in various states of completion. In all of that, I have found what calls to me.

This website is my rebirth cry out to the world, hey I’m alive.  Now that I’m starting to feel alive, I’m starting to outgrow what this website is.  I feel that this is not the proper venue to showcase what I can do.  This site feels confining and limiting and does not fit with the new me that is starting to grow.

Right now, I’m writing for 2 websites.  The one you are reading, open to any who care to look.  Which let’s be honest, it’s a private emotional musing of someone new to writing.  BORING.  The second is for some future me that has a vision of a unique website that is a better venue for what I want to create.  I want these other thoughts to be presented on a more professionally polished site.

Right now, those other articles are still in a raw stage, mere concepts. For some one new to writing, how do you describe the beauty of something you not only see but feel?  How do you write about something profound and not sound stupid? I need to learn how to articulate better before I jump into that void.

It’s hard for me to hold back, I’m drawn to this vision of a different website to showcase my serious side.  Beside writing, I have to learn so much before I can give life to this new idea.  Copyrights, web design, marketing, networking, maybe even a business lawyer if it goes anywhere.  There is so much to do and I feel that writing for this website takes me away from all the excitement of this vision I want to chase.

But I can’t cut the cord just yet.  To do so might prove dangerous.  I feel some sort of obligation to keep writing and posting on this site for now.  I have to remind myself it’s good therapy for me.  I makes me feel alive and it creates a ‘work environment’ for me.  If I lost this structure now, I’m afraid of stalling out in my drive to create this new site.  I can see that it would be really easy for me to lose focus on my goals and turn my writing into a weird private journal of my inner thoughts.

So, for now, I’m going to try to use this website as my private university.  I’m going to go through the pains of learning how to become a writer here.  I’m going to learn how to copyright the most boring mundane musing of a middle-aged man.  I’m going to try to learn how to format a functional website.  Interlinking, menus, and all the other stuff you need to know to make this run efficient.  While I’m doing that, I’m going to explore this other side of me.

I feel this dual life is the path I need to follow for now. I’m excited for my future for the first time in decades. I feel alive again and its just as scary as my depression but more thrilling!

Published by LifeReStarted

I am a disabled man in my late forties with mental illness. Major depression, anxiety panic disorder, agoraphobia. I have kept only one friend in all that time, my wife. I met my best friend in 1992 and married her in 1995. Ms. B is my beating heart, the reason I keep living. After 20 years, I am waking up to life. Now that I am awake, I want to create.

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