My ‘Gooey’ failure

Where it feels my life is going

I spent the last 2 weeks contemplating my ‘Gooey’ mess of an article.  This is not the direction I want to go in.  I see now that sorta stuff is more of a script than an article.  So I’m looking into going down the YouTube route.  I’m doing the google searches and gathering links.  But I’m not following through on the research yet.  I’m just writing in a diary and collecting links.  I’m putting these thoughts into folders with names to help me remember what I’m doing.  It’s just so much data piling up .  

So I’m looking at this big pile of data, trying to think of what I can do with this.  In the back of my mind, I see the vision I want to express.  That is the hard part, isn’t it.  I literally want to express the emotion of something, what it feels like to see that object.  What does the sound make your emotions do?  And when I write this down here, it’s all looks and sounds like stoner type talk.

But in all honesty, I have felt this way about music since I was a boy.  When I watch music videos I am transported into another sense of dimension.  I love to hear the layering of music, regardless of it is acoustical, electric, or electronic.  I love to see the visuals of inspiration expressed in the cinematography.  I am drawn to find the deeper meanings in music.  I admire how 2 or 3 formats of medium can be mixed together to create something so dynamic and interpretive.  

To me, music is a refreshing rainbow of thoughts and feelings.  That’s the best I can do to describe what music does to me and what it is for me.  In an attempt to express my emotions, thoughts and ideas on music, I don’t think this type of writing is the way to go.  I think that type of writing is more for scripts.  Then it leads me to go towards YouTube and my fear of infringing upon the copyrights of the artist.  That is kind of a break on my momentum.  

How far can I pay homage to a music artist without infringing on their rights?  This is extremely important to me.  I don’t want to turn from a fan into a corporate entity to any artist.  Some people might see what I’m trying to do and then some might be mad if you use a bit too much of their material in a creative or an expressive musical critic way.  Then this leads me down the lawyer route and down into the rabbit hole and just gets deeper and deeper.

So this is where I stand in my quest to be creative.  This is the ‘Gooey’ mess I feel I am in. But I’m glad I tried and failed. That one bad article made me realize I need to try to contextualize my ideas better. To try and boil down what I want to try to achieve and the best way to do it.  I’m starting to put my framework of ideas and plans together.  So I’ll continue to collecting data, allowing it to percolate my thoughts into something more refined and unique.

In a way I feel like Dr. Clayton Forrester from MST3k subjecting one or two people to my evil experiments! Mwahahaha! Hope you like my original meme! On to my next experiment!

Published by LifeReStarted

I am a disabled man in my late forties with mental illness. Major depression, anxiety panic disorder, agoraphobia. I have kept only one friend in all that time, my wife. I met my best friend in 1992 and married her in 1995. Ms. B is my beating heart, the reason I keep living. After 20 years, I am waking up to life. Now that I am awake, I want to create.

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