Where am I ?!?
Realizing on January 3, 2021, that I’ve been ‘asleep’ for 15 years.
I have no idea how to live life.
Where do I go from here?
Learning how to live life again
So who am I? I’m a man who had lost almost everything in life and had given up. I’m a person who struggles with mental illness. Major depression ’98, anxiety panic disorder ’06, and agoraphobia ’08. In late 2020, I realized have been an emotional pain addict for the last 5 or 6 years.
Why am I here? I started medical cannabis in early Nov 2020 and for the first time in 15 years, I felt the need to move forward in life again. I feel that starting a blog will be good therapy and motivation.
What the hell do I do now? I haven’t been employable since 2008 and I’m still unsure about working. The only skill or knowledge I have anymore is my is my life experience coping with mental illness.
What is this blog about? I want to infuse my past life experiences with my present life to create content to share with the world. I love music and I want to give motivation to others. I want to show people with severe mental illness, you can crawl out of the darkness.
Those with mental illness know that it slowly strips a person of many things; self-worth and self-esteem, pride, ambition, religion, morality, emotion, dreams, motivation, honesty, employment, money, enjoyment, personal security, friends, family and your future. It grinds away life itself until you become a hollow shell that only exists in darkness barely breathing.
I was very fortunate to have kept one friend throughout my journey down the road of depression, Ms. B, my wife. I met my best friend in 1992 and married her in 1995. Her faith and love in me over my 2o year downward spiral was my only anchor. Ms. B is my beating heart, the reason breathing. I know I’m one of the few lucky ones who struggle with mental illness that has someone to trust and to hold onto. There are millions around the world who have noone.
Ms. B, I love you and thank you for everything.